Historical 6 January...Concern? Yes. Worry? No!

6 January one year ago, I was admitted to the hospital to undergo an investigation surgery as part of the diagnosis on my illness. By insurance term, my illness, if reach the end stage, is considered as one of the 36 critical illness or dread disease.

Which means, if my illness goes untreated or unattended that it reaches the end stage, I would be able to claim my insurance benefit without needing to wait until the policy matures lol...but would a normal person want his/her illness to reach the end stage?

No, nobody wouldn't....and I definitely wouldn't...but one thing about my illness, as far as I understand from my doctor, is...it's incurable. No medication or surgery, in the current medical technology, that able to cure this illness thus far...

The only option I have therefore, is to control the symptom and maintain a healthy lifestyle, in order to slow the disease progress. That means, I need to take some medications to control the symptom. I need to consume some supplement religiously to boost my immunity. I need to cut down on salt and meat intake to prevent further damage.

CpMooN @ 6 January 2014, Ramsay Sime Darby Medical Centre, Subang Jaya

Concern? Yes, naturally. Worry? No!

I would not, because of my illness, refrain from doing whatever I want to do in my life. I would not live in fear everyday worrying whether I would die tomorrow. 

Because while no one wish to contract any disease, sometimes, somehow, I do think this could be a blessing in disguise :)

One very valuable lesson I've learned, from my experience living with chronic illness is, happiness has little to do with what happens to me. Happiness, it shall depends upon what I pay attention to during the rest of my following moments after I was diagnosed with the disease.

Before my illness, I chose to pay attention to my work, my social media platforms and I was pretty happy. Then I got ill and for quite a while my attention was drawn to how bad life was. I was unhappy. As if the illness is not bad enough, I also became unhappy due to some incidents at work. I shall not dwell into details on that.

Yeah...during the first few months, it had been very difficult for me, going through all sorts of emotions in response to my illness. Eventually though, I have to accept the circumstance and allow it to flow. For this, I'm very grateful to have the morale support of my close family members and friends, who knew of my condition.

 CpMooN @ 19 May 2014, Pantai Balok, Kuantan

Gradually, I was enlighten that, happiness require nothing more than a bit of attention on gratitude and appreciation. I choose to pay attention to smaller, simpler pleasures and appreciate little things like the color of the sky in the sunrise, the sound of a bird's song, the pleasant aroma from the bakery. I also appreciate the people around me, that love me and really care about me, more. 

I acknowledge that, I deserve a better life and thus I need to eliminate the negative things that hold me back. This including some people that, no matter how much you value them, would never appreciate you back. This also including some people that, no matter how many times they give you assurance, yet will repeatedly disappoint and hurt you again and again. And this also including some people that, no matter how much effort you extend, would belittle your effort and treat it as if nothing. 

Well, I believe God is wise...sometimes God doesn't give me what I think I want, not because I don't deserve it, but because I deserve better...I'm ready to stop putting efforts on people and things, that doesn't deserve my effort anymore. I'm ready to walk away from anyone or anything that takes away my joy. Life is just too short to put up with fools.

I shall cherish every people that is true to me, appreciate what I have, and embrace every little moment in my life. Life is too short to wake up with regrets. I shall love people who treat me right, and forget about the one's who don't. Difficult times have indeed helped me to understand better than before, how indefinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way. La vie est belle!!

CpMooN @ 31 December 2014, The Banjaran, Ipoh